Today I Learned

that I am capable of empathy.

Sympathy is something I’ve generally been good at in the past.  Sympathy allowed me to help other people and support them almost as a way to avoid my own feelings.  I still do this, a lot, to be honest.

And, I guess I’ve never really had a problem being empathetic with people I don’t know (think 39:84…. and no, that reference won’t stop anytime soon… I want to drill it into your heads!)… in fact part of my tattoo I’m in the process of looking for an artist for is the Hebrew word “za’aq”.  It means to cry out, and to call together.  Written next to the word on my bulletin board is:

“I live in a world that is crying out. I am to hear that cry. I am to feel that cry.  I am to allow God to use me to eliminate the causes of that cry.”

I’ve felt that cry. I’ve broken down in prayer over that cry.  I have physically felt that cry. But never for anyone I know.

If you don’t know, when I get upset, I get nauseous. I get headaches.  I get tremors.  I get to the point where breathing becomes diffcult.  I get restless. My insomnia gets worse.  I lose my appetite.  I rarely cry. Negative emotion just doesn’t manifest itself that way for me, often.

So, today, I got some really bad news from a friend.  News that has dramatic implications on their life, on their future. And, all day, mentally, I’ve been distraught just trying to fathom what they must be dealing with.  And, all day, I’ve felt nauseous.  I’ve had a headache. I’ve been physically feeling the effects of their struggles. This is definitely a first.  It’s been weird, to say the least. Not to mention I’m a little concerned based on who I’m feeling this empathy for, but that’s a different story for a different time.

What’s crazy, though, or rather, what I appreciate about this most is the fact that all day, I have been constantly reminded to pray for this person, and for their struggles, so I’m not going to completely dismiss the value of this empathy thing.